Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

I have been selfish for a very long time. For years, I sought happiness and fulfillment in the absolute wrong things. My selfishness caused pain for my family, friends and mainly for myself. There are still things I think I will always be ashamed of. Because of this shame and guilt, I hid from God because I felt that I did not deserve His love. Then I realized that God was the only one who could take away my perpetual emptiness. I had tried so many other things, and they would work for a little while. But, before long, I would feel even emptier than when I first began.

For Christmas, my mother gave me a book called The Prayer of Jabez. This book encourages selfishness, but not the worldly selfishness that I spent years seeking. This book encourages that we be selfish in seeking the favor and grace of God. There are so many times when we could be blessed, but we are not- simply because we didn't ask. I spent too long assuming that once I gave my life to Christ, the blessings would just start pouring in. However, that is not completely true.

 Let me use an analogy to illustrate my point. Let's say that you're a student and you assume that because you go to school every day, that you will become full of knowledge; as a teacher, I know this not to be true first hand. Sure, if you simply show up every day, you will learn some things by mere proximity. However, those who learn the most are the students who actively seek knowledge. The students who ask questions and ask the teacher to give them more knowledge, are the ones who reap the most from their education. In the same way, just because I am a Christian and I go to church every Sunday, does not mean that I will be showered with God's favor; it is not until I ask for it, beg for it even, that the blessings really start to flow.

So, I don't know about you, but it's time for me to start being selfish...in the right way. If God's love and mercy are limitless then I want all of it that He can give me.