Letting Go of Guilt

A Guilty Conscience 


The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will we harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgression from us.  - Psalm 103: 8-12


Is it just me or is the hardest person to forgive yourself? We can forgive others who hurt us yet we struggle so long to forgive ourselves. I still harbor disappointment and guilt for things I did years ago.  I have asked for forgiveness and it was granted to me long before I ever even asked. Ye,t I cannot seem to forgive myself at times.

Lately, my heart has been especially heavy laden with guilt. Sometimes, I have been hurt and instead of letting go and letting God heal those pains, I have struck out and tried to hurt my transgressor in return.  In the moment, this can give a sense of satisfaction. However, not long after, it just leaves me feeling ashamed of myself. So, instead of being hurt, I am now hurt and guilty. I have seen myself behave in a way that is not who I am or who I'd ever like to be.  I have let my hurt win and lost myself in it.

Forgiving myself is the thing I have struggled with the most in my faith.  I have hurt others, and I have hurt myself. Once I came to Christ, this did not stop.  Some like to think that giving your life to Christ stops all temptations or makes us strong enough to resist them. That is grossly wrong.  If anything, once we come to Christ, the temptations become stronger and ever more present. The only difference is that those who know Christ, know that they can seek solace and shelter in His unconditional love.

I am so happy to know that I can find peace in the knowledge that God forgave me for what I've done as soon as it happened. Now, I just have to work on forgiving myself. Because when I hold onto guilt, I cannot fully embrace God's love.