Lookin' for Love in All the Wrong Places

My First Love

Do you remember your first love? Of course you do. I'm sure as soon as you read that question, an image or memory formed in your mind. First loves become this sort of idolized persona in our heads to whom all following relationships will inevitably be compared and measured in some sort of way.

My first love had dirty blonde hair and hazel-green eyes that changed colors depending on what color shirt he was wearing. He was tall and lanky and sometimes a little shy and awkward. He was intimidatingly smart and knew something about everything or pretended to at least. He was sarcastic and bold and never afraid to put me in my place. We met when I was sixteen and he was eighteen. We didn't know anything about what love really meant, but we also knew nothing about what heartache truly meant either. So with a certain amount of naivety and a large amount of teenage hormones, we became one another's first loves.

As teenagers do, he decided to go away to college...several states away. When he left, I was devastated. My parents and friends tried everything they could to cheer me up, but I spent months moping around with swollen eyes and my first broken heart.  Eventually, as time went on, the pain lessened and my heart began to heal.

Although, we always seem to move on with our lives after our first loves, there seems to be a little part of us that still clings to that naive, intense, pure love that can only be experienced once and at a young age. 

I'm in Love with Love!

We often scoff at the hopeless romantics who wave their "Love Conquers All" flag as they march around looking for Prince Charming.  When we see teenage couples or hear them talk about love, we laugh to ourselves and think "oh... if they only knew." However, I am here to argue the case that these people who think love is all we need, are far more wise than us jaded cynics who know that with love comes heartache.

A Love that Lasts

 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. - Psalm 42:1

I think the first time I ever read this scripture I thought to myself  "whoa that is a pretty intense love this person's got going on for Christ."  I found it kind of strange actually and maybe a little creepy. However, years later, reading this scripture shows me a glimpse of something I want very badly: an intimate and deep love for Christ and an unquenchable desire to be close to Him.  I had those feelings for my first love,  why can't I feel the same way about Christ? That's exactly how Christ wants us to feel.  Our relationship with Christ should not be some lackluster, lukewarm platonic friendship; it should be as passionate and intense as a first love.

I have spent years seeking fulfillment and self-worth in earthly relationships when all along, someone has never stopped loving me.  I have never felt completely satisfied with my relationships, and when things ended I blamed it on numerous things: bad timing, the wrong person, etc., etc. However, it took me until recently to realize that I will never be fulfilled by one person; I will never be happy with the love I find on earth until I become satisfied with the love I find in Christ.

Christ knows all that we are, all what we've been and all that we will become and He loves us anyways.  He loves us when we hurt Him, when we abandon Him, when we deny Him, when we curse Him and when we disappoint Him.  While a first love may linger with us long after it has ended, Christ's love is the only love that lasts forever.

Call me crazy but I'd like to love Christ like He's my first love. I'd like to love him with that same reckless abandon I had at sixteen.